Middle of year, but not much better.

I'm a school teacher. I teach. I think I can do, but my lack of motivation puts me into the classic saying that I teach because I cannot do. I do think that I can teach but that I can also do. I certainly can't start this the way I'd like. Today I went to the teacher's lounge before school started so that I could sit in my favorite blue astronaut chair. I like to catch a snooze with my back turned to the door and my computer resting on my lap. This makes me look like I'm deep in pedagogical thought when I'm really just catching zzzs. It's not that I'm lazy. I just get tired and I don't want anyone else to know about it. When people come into the lounge on early mornings I always spring up and greet them with a groggy, "I'm... doing class.....you....making copies?" They never suspect me. I had just begun to rest my head and when I heard the door open. "Hello." I try to avoid most conversations with workers, but since I work very closely with this one I thought I would endulge. Recently, some of the other teachers have begun to notice that the Teacher's Lounge is ideal for an early morning catnap and thus they have begun to sneak up on my territory. It is only upsetting because naps are clearly not as important as they are for me. We often end up talking about the day that will inevitably come and which we will almost certainly rue. Naps are precious. When your being sneaky about it you feel all the better too. A dream during this time is almost always full of espionage and intrigue. You're constantly looking around your mind's every corner only to quickly snap awake at any sign of a collegue entering so that you can confidently mumble, "copies....it's...I think.....broke....en." One this day, however, I invited my collegue over for a chat. "Well, are you ready?" I always find myself asking such gloomy questions in the mornings. "As ever." Starting with cliches, I want my nap back. "I just want to sit here all day." "It's warm in here isn't it." "I think it's just having the lights off. Or maybe these chairs." "These are goofy looking chairs." "They're astraunat chairs. I love them. Great for napping..." Shit, too much information. "Ha. You nap down here?" I do just until I hear the kindergarden teacher passing by. Then I snap up and walk with her down the hallway. I think I'm getting somewhere with her. Or maybe I'm just following. I should probably figure out what I'm doing before I continue. Was I thinking that or actually saying it? "Well, I like that." She didn't answer my question. "I want to be able to make it through this day without incident. I just want to feel good about myself. Is that even possible?" "I think so. You know we're all happy to have you here." She has come upon my space, but I don't feel that offended anymore. It's nice to talk to someone who isn't as self centered as you are. Let's see. Try to make it about her. "You have weekend plans?" It's Tuesday, don't be so desperate I think. "It's Tuesday. I'm just trying to get through the day." How much am I thinking and how much am I saying?